5 Ways to Destroy Your Marriage

I’ve been married twelve years which means I hardly know anything, but as I’ve considered my own marriage and listened to countless couples speak about theirs, I’ve put together a short list of five ways to destroy your marriage. But be encouraged, there is hope.

5 ways to destroy your marriage

1. Stop talking about anything important and don’t listen to your spouse.

Only speak about surface issues, don’t share the things on your heart. Don’t ask any meaningful questions and when you think your spouse may be struggling, resist the urge toward compassion. Don’t be affected by the things they say, just give the appearance of listening.

2.  Assume the worst of your spouse

Keep all their sins close to mind, the times they neglected you, were inconsiderate, selfish, condescending, hurtful, arrogant, proud, rude, etc.. Convince yourself you know all their motives, all the time. Filter everything through that grid.

3.  Find companionship and intimacy with someone else

Look around for others of the opposite sex that are easier to talk to, that appreciate you, never disagree, are always affirming, think you’re funny, and start spending more time with them.

4.  Don’t encourage them

Ignore the ways they are loving and growing and highlight their mistakes, failures and sins. Miss any opportunities to build them up.

5.  Never pray for them

Don’t remember them in prayer, pray for everyone else but them. Pray as if they don’t exist. Dwell on the reasons you are angry with them instead.

The purpose of this list is not meant to discourage you but to bring to light patterns we may have adopted over the past few days, months and years. If you’re honest and you’re married, you will identify with at least one or more from the above list.

Here’s a hopeful place to start:

  • Remember God loves you with an everlasting love and He is always with you regardless of your performance.
  • Repentance is something that flows out of God’s kindness to you, embrace it and turn away from your sin and turn to Christ and receive forgiveness. Then ask for forgiveness from your spouse.
  • Enlist a friend to walk with you and pray for you as you ask God’s Spirit to move you along toward change. Start with one thing that the Spirit has put most on your heart.
For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations
— Psalm 100:5

Brian Munnings is a Christian Counsellor and the director of counselling at Toronto Biblical Counselling (TBC) where he provides biblical marriage counselling.